Is dating a married person asking for trouble

Posted by / 20-Sep-2017 19:13

Is dating a married person asking for trouble

This scenario is archetypical of "gray divorce," a concept made popular by researchers for a study at Bowling Green State University, which found that, since 1990, divorce rates have doubled for Americans over 50 and more than tripled for Americans over 65.

In 2010, people ages 50 and older accounted for about 1 in 4 divorces. Brown, one of the lead researchers for the study, told the Washington Post that the reason for these divorces wasn't "severe discord," but rather "the couples had simply grown apart." In 2015, the National Center for Health Statistics and the U. Census Bureau reported that for every 1,000 married couples older than 50, 10 get a divorce. But distance doesn't have to result in divorce.

Adjust Your Mindset Know What You Want Look in the Right Places Make Sure it Works Community Q&A Finding the right partner or spouse is not like finding the right person to help you survive a lonely summer -- it means finding a person that you can see yourself growing old with and loving thirty, forty, or fifty or more years down the line.

Choosing the person you want to marry or commit to forever is serious business, and it demands a lot of forethought, responsibility, and honesty.

Once one or both partners recognize, "Hey, I've been unhappy for a long time and I don't want to be," it's time to commit yourself to changing the dynamic, says Sara Schwarzbaum, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Couples Counseling Associates in Chicago.

"They think they know each other, but they really don't because they've both changed—they're not the same people they were 30 years ago," says Schwarzbaum, who works extensively with couples in their 50s and 60s.

"If the relationship had a friendship-and-love basis, then there is something that can be rekindled and restarted," says Dr. "When life gets busy, people tend to put their relationship on the back burner, and they both end up feeling neglected.

[Recognizing that] can help them take ownership of their problems and address them." Dr.

By the time you're married 25-35 years, you have very entrenched patterns, plus you may have new problems, such as health issues or drug or alcohol abuse." Though problems involving abuse (physical, verbal, or substance) need to be addressed first, communication issues are generally the most pervasive complaint unhappy couples share, say the experts. Schwarzbaum describes one married couple she counseled recently whose communication problems were impacting their marriage.

Married for 35 years with grown children and grandchildren, the couple had grown distant and didn't do anything together anymore.

"There are a lot of things she put up with and never complained about—he confused acquiescence with agreement," Dr. "The marital contract before was: I, female, run the house, and you, male, make the money, and nobody has anything to discuss.

To repair the relationship, "they need to get curious about each other's visions for the future and each other's dreams." Changing over the years is one thing, but serious marriage problems also can arise from bad habits.

"A lot of couples' problems have been haunting them the duration of their marriage, but they may not have had the time or energy to deal with them," says Rachel Sussman, LCSW, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert, and founder of Sussman Counseling in New York City.

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But once you've found that special person, all of your hard work will be worth it and you can get ready for a lifetime of happiness.

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